It seems like I have been on a foolish faithless quest the last couple of weeks. The accuser seems to have been very successful in convincing me that his foolishness makes more sense….

Than my “faithfulness” to the Lord……

He has kept me in doubt that my Savior really cares about me and my situations and circumstances.

The enemy whispers yeah, you know all His Words…..
But what if , it is… just a fairy tale? And, this is it…..you’ve got rush hour!
And you my dear, are the “biggest” fool of all.

Seems like a few weeks back as I was sharing with some of my sisters in Christ about the validity and answers that can be found in God’s Word I made mention of the fact that,
“ If God’s Word is “not” true then I am the “biggest” fool of all.”
But that statement was said while my heart was filled with “much faith.”

And now, those very words have been reversed and are being used by the enemy as an attack against “my faith.”

The enemy has dealt me some really harsh blows as he begins to tap into my innermost thoughts and fears. Who let him in here ?? Why am I so weak??

Lord, I pray. I read Your Word, I know this stuff….I hear from You or at least I thought I did. But did I really??

Doubt, begins to set in. What a weapon of destruction.
Self destruction, one of the enemy’s favorite tactics, so it seems.

Ephesians 6:13-18 (NKJV) Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15. and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16. above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sWord of the Spirit, which is the Word of God; 18. praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

Above all ????? Taking the “shield” of faith ?????

Like a mighty iron ball hitting a building it leaves a lasting visual impression as the walls begin to crumble. Where is my “shield” now ? As I crumble to the ground . I am wounded and my “shield” is covering and crushing in on me. I can feel the enemy and he is jumping up and down on my “shield” as if it were a trampoline.

I am broken and ashamed that “my faithfulness” has been foolishly crushed.

Psalm 69:5 (NKJV) O God, You know my foolishness;
And my sins are not hidden from You.

Mark 7:21-23 (NKJV) For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within and defile a man.”

However, while I am crushed beneath my “shield” of faith.

I am protected !!
It is from that lowly covered place where I call upon my Lord and He says to me:

Matthew 11:28 (NKJV) Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Dear Lord, “my faith” is crushed, and I am calling out to you. I need to hear from you, Lord ! I want to hear from you! Please speak to me your servant.

I know there is power in Your Word. I know as a young girl, as I prayed by my bed and invited You to come into my heart. You came…..
You said, You would never leave me nor forsake me.

Hebrews 13:5 (NKJV) Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

And that, I believe….

So why Lord, Why am I having such doubt ??

Psalm 91:4 (NIV) He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
His faithfulness will be your “shield” and rampart.

Psalm 119:114 (NIV)You are my refuge and my “shield;”
I have put my hope in your word.

The Lord then questions my heart……“How can one who calls out to Me.. be faithless ???”

It appears I have become discouraged by my circumstances. All of my “expectations” have exploded in my face. And now am I foolishly blaming “my faith” (or lack of) for being the reason ?

Seems like when we make our expectations and the results what we want to be the source of our happiness, security, or significance, it’s then we end up feeling sorta like Elijah. Fearful, ready to run away, engulfed in feelings of failure and frustration along with isolation. Hummmmm……
More tactics of the enemy.

How could I have foolishly doubted “my faith” and God’s Word because of my discouragement and expectations ?

1 Corinthians 1:25 (NIV) For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Doubt what a “repressive emotion” Doubt is an emotion, isn’t it ? I believe the emotion of doubt plays a role…. a terrible “emotion” another tactic the enemy uses on us and I believe that doubt first showed up in the garden when satan asked Eve “Did God really say that?”

Genesis 3:1 (NIV) Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?

But when I “intellectualized” the word doubt. That is removed all my emotions that I had connected to it and really reasoned it out, I discovered…..

Intellectualized- Definition: 1. transitive and intransitive verb consider something rationally: to analyze, deal with, or explain something exclusively by thinking or reasoning

I found that:
doubt
Main Entry: 1doubt
Pronunciation: \ˈdau̇t\ Function: verb Etymology: Middle English douten, from Anglo-French duter, douter, from Latin dubitare to be in doubt; akin to Latin dubius dubious Date: 13th century
transitive verb1archaic a: fear b: suspect2: to be in doubt about
3 a: to lack confidence in : distrust b: to consider unlikely intransitive verb: to be uncertain

The word “fear” jumped off the page because I know that God’s Word says: that “fear” is not from the Lord.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Hummmmm……….. So where is my doubt and fear coming from ?? None other than the enemy of my very soul. Yes, the one who not only wants to attack but would also take much pleasure in my annihilation !

As I was preparing this posting… I came across this quote by George Macdonald. George Macdonald was a respected author of his generation in the 19th century Scotland.

And since “doubt” caused me to do this research it does go to show that God can allow and use “all” things for His glory.

My prayer is that while I share with you these things that I have considered along my journey, that you also may be blessed.

“A man may be haunted with doubts, and only grow thereby in faith. Doubts are the messengers of the Living One to the honest. They are the first knock at our door of things that are not yet, but have to be, understood…Doubt must precede every deeper assurance; for uncertainties are what we first see when we look into a region hitherto unknown, unexplored, unannexed.”
George Macdonald

So By Faith Can We Say and Understand….

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
1 Corinthians 1:18 (NKJV)

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